How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
