If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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