So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
