its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
