I'm jealous of your bromance
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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