halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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