She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
