I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
