I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
