I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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