guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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