My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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