She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
