Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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