So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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