Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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