Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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