Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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