2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
