That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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