I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
