So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
