I smell stomach acid.
do herpes really smell.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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