I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
