The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
