I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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