me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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