R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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