no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
