I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
