would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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