Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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