i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sex in the backyard? Check.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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