OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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