the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I faked an abortion last night.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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