So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
