tell your sister to shave her snatch
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
