And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
