i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
