im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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