Only a mothe r could love this liver
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
