I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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