Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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