Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
