with your own penis?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
