Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
