Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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