Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
