in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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