Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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