a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
