All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I could fuck to npr.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
