Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
