stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
