how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
