I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
