I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
