How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
