hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
