If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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