Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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