This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
